These day, I see the tussies in youth's mind (so do I) to find the right partner for life. What kind of man and woman that is right for us? There are some prayers about partner for life that I've seen. And from those prayers, I learn that they have been praying for a Godly man or Godly woman to be their partner for life. And they also keep and guard themselves carefully til' they found one.
But then this thing come into my mind.. When A GODLY MAN MEETS A GODLY WOMAN,will their COURTSHIP be A GODLY RELATIONSHIP INSTANTLY? -- that will also lead them to a GODLY MARRIAGE? :)
When I read again all of those prayers (I put it in the end of this notes), the one similar thing is, they prayed for a man and woman who love GOD more than anything in this world. Yes, I'm agree with them, that a man and woman who love GOD more than anything is a must... Because when a man or woman love GOD MORE THAN ANYTHING, he or she will have a heart that focus on HIM.
"A godly man (woman) is an imperfect man (woman) that worships the perfect God … and it’s the perfect God who will mold and shape him (her) to be more and more like Jesus. " -one of the notes from ci Grace Suryani :)
A Godly man and a Godly woman is a fixed price to build a Godly Relationship and lead you to a Godly Marriage. You can see a lot of examples of it from the Bible. A Godly man, such as Abraham, Boaz, King David, etc. A Godly woman, such as Ruth, Esther, etc. It is a good starting point. But when you see all of those prayers, there's one thing you can learn..There are also other factors that also important. Then I began to pray and ask God for a wisdom, and from it, I found other important factors. :)
1. Is He / She the One that Comes from God?
My Mentor once said to me on March '2009 :
"If we are with someone who are only GOOD in His sight
Then we will be just a GOOD couple
If we are with someone who are only ACCEPTABLE in His sight
Then we will be just an ACCEPTABLE couple
But if we are with someone who are PERFECT in His sight
Then we could be a PERFECT couple
PERFECT doesn't mean he / she is without mistake or never hurt us or make us cry
But PERFECT means we know with all of our hearts
THAT HE / SHE IS THE ONE THAT REALLY COMES FROM GOD.
And what matters is, are you willing to wait for the perfect one to come?"
Why finding someone that really comes from God is very important? Actually, God not designed us to be like a robot, when He says "A" then we will do "A" or when He says "B" then we will do "B". He gave us the freewill to choose our choices. And actually, we could choose anyone we like to be our Partner for life. But why then finding the right one is so important? :)
The road of a Courtship and more the road of a Marriage is not an easy road. We face problems, process, difficulties, differences, challenges or even hurting feeling, because humans are not perfect. But there's one thing that will make us stay when all of those difficulties comes...
When we knows, understands and have faith that the person who are with us is someone that really comes from God. Because when it comes to His perfect plan, He make all things beautiful in its time.
"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose." -Rm 8:28 NIV
2. Process
Do you know what makes the gold pure? It is the process...
Do you know what makes a wood well furnished? It is the process...
Do you know what makes the water in glass fully filled? It is the process...
Everything need a process, whether hard or easy, whether in a long or short period of time... :)
A true partners are not they who never faced any difficulties.. A strong partners is NOT FIREPROOF, but when the fire comes, they choose NOT TO LEAVE THEIR PARTNER BEHIND, but STAY.. A true partners is those who faced every difficulties in front of them and overcome it together, and it make their love grow stronger.
"I have seen the painful labor and exertion and miserable business which God has given to the sons of men with which to exercise and busy themselves.
He has made everything beautiful in its time. He also has planted eternity in men's hearts and minds [a divinely implanted sense of purpose working through the ages which nothing under the sun but God alone can satisfy]. yet so that men cannot find out what God has done from the beginning to the end.
I know that there is nothing better for them than to be glad and to get and do good as long as they live.
And also that every man should eat and drink and enjoy the good of all his labor-it is the gift of God.
I know that whatever God does, it endures forever; nothing can be added to it nor anything taken from it. And God does it so that men will [reverently] fear Him [revere and worship Him, knowing that He is]."
-Ecc 3:10-14 AMPLIFIED BIBLE-
During the hard times of my process, God teaches me the deeper meaning of these verses. As you can see, it reveals clearly the deeper meaning of this.
All of those processes are meant to exercise us, so that we will be stronger and stronger everyday.
"He has made everything beautiful in its time" -the tense is clear enough, has made, it means God already done it. When He started it, actually He already made it into completion and He will show you how beautiful it is when it comes to the end of the process-when the time is ripe.
And when He placed it into the men's (and women's) hearts and minds, He has a divine purpose for it and it said, God alone who can satisfy it! Only God who can bring it into completion and we couldn't understand His ways from the beginning to the end but His promise is sure, He will make it beautiful in His time.
And what is our parts? Our parts is to enjoy every season in our lives, enjoy every process, take it as His grace if we could overcome it and do our very best. Believe Him that everything He let comes to pass, it is for His glory.
3. Willingness and Commitment to Learn and Grow
God made man and woman to complete each other. God know that we couldn't live alone and we need someone who can walk side by side with us. But the problem is, even twin brothers or sisters are different. So do men and women are different, no matter how they have a similar vision, dreams, hobbies, interests, characters, love languages, etc. They are different in a lot of ways, in a way of fixing problems, in a way of speaking and thinking, in a way of see things, etc.
In the beginning of one relationship it is like a spring season, all things seems like a flower blooming and colorful with joyfulness and laughter. It feels easier to understand each others because we only reveals the similar side of ourselves. But as time goes by, we will see the differences arise between us and our partners. As time goes by, we face a lot of things together; problems, differences, challenges, etc.
It could happen to partners who have a lot of similarity. Can you imagine with those who are totally different? :)
When man and woman humble themselves to each other; while the man lead with gentleness and woman follow his leading with humbleness, they also learn to understand each other's way, characters, strengths, weaknesses, habits, inclinations, way of thinking, what they like and dislike, etc.
It takes a lot of Commitment, Sacrifice, Humbleness, Love and Time to make it through together. And guess what? It is a LIFE-TIME PROCESS, you will have to do it AS LONG AS YOU LIVE, EVEN AFTER YOU'RE MARRIED, HAVING CHILDREN, GRAND-CHILDREN AND GROWING OLD TOGETHER.
It takes a REAL LOVE that grows because of God that will make you never exhausted and always excited to learn each other's way.
4. A True Love that Grow because of God
Reading the definition of LOVE from 1 Cor 13 is always an exciting moment for me. Why?Because there's always a new thing you can learn in order to love someone better, deeper and wider. GOD is LOVE, His love is endless, the deepest one and the most wonderful and beautiful. He's the One who create LOVE and He's the One who knows the real definition of love.
While the world offers a love that has a limit and it could decrease as time goes by, I believe, a true love that grow because of God is something that will never fade. Not just it is something that will never fade, but it's also something that will grow deeper, wider and sweeter.
I have seen a lot of example of it. My Spiritual Parents in Church is the closest example I can see in my daily life. During their marriages, their children is growing and they getting older (though they are still young), but I can see the romance and sweetness in their marriage is still beautiful. They often hold each others, called each others with a special nickname (such as Yang, Sayang, etc.). :)
"Love bears up under anything and everything that comes
Is ever ready to believe the best of every person
Its hopes are fadeless under all circumstances,
And it endures everything (without weakening).
Love never fails (never fades out or comes to an end.)"
-1 Cor 13:7-8a AMPLIFIED BIBLE-
This is the power of love that comes from God. After you read the first 3 factors, you see that the true love that comes and grow because of God, is needed to make it come true, to make two become one and it grow stronger and stronger by time. :)
5. God's Grace
"But He said to me, 'My grace (My favor and loving-kindness and mercy) is enough for you [sufficient against any danger and enables you to bear the trouble manfully]; for My strength and power are made perfect (fulfilled and completed) and show themselves most effective in [your] weakness.' Therefore, I will all the more gladly glory in my weaknesses and infirmities, that the strength and power of Christ (the Messiah) may rest (yes, may pitch a tent over and dwell) upon me!" -2 Cor 12:9 AMPLIFIED BIBLE
Every couple has their own processes and challenges. I can say that none are smaller or greater or higher or lower. They have their own portion and limit, God knows it best more than anyone else. They need to fight for it if they really think that the love they have is something that is really worth fighting for, to keep their faith that they are really made for each other, to face all the problems together, to commit to learn and understand each other and also to grow their love in God's way.
All of those journey is not an easy journey. God make it so hard to make us understand how precious it is and know how to cherish it in the future when we finally be with him / her. But He also knows our limit, that though he push us to the edge and to our very limit, He will never let us fall.
And we really need His grace to walk through it, because our strength, patience, love and all we need to hang on are limited but our God is limitless.
6. Triangle Love
Did I say TRIANGLE LOVE?? Yes ;)
Someone gave me this verse and I'll always remember and keep it inside my mind and heart :)
"And about the matter you and I discussed-remember, the Lord is witness between you and me forever." -1 Sam 20:23 NIV
In the Indonesia version, actually it means, "And about the covenant that we made, between me and you, remember that the Lord is between me and you forever."
Isn't it an amazing covenant between two people? When God is between two people, He's the one who will lead all of their ways.
My another Mentor also taught me this lesson. In a Courtship and even Marriage, it is like index finger, middle finger and third finger or ring finger. GOD, as the center of the relationship is like the Middle Finger, you have to place Him as the one that between both of you and as the highest One. While man is the Index Finger, that usually is little higher than Third Finger, it means he is the leader for the woman. And woman as the Third Finger, in Indonesian, it is called "jari manis", the one that need protection and gentleness from the man as he lead her.
Here is the quotes from my friends that I hope will inspire you.. :)
"When God is at the center of two loving hearts, two becomes one will always be possible. When the man gently leads and the woman humbly follows, the greatest harmony will be born." -Leticia Seviraneta
And I have this poetry, hope it will give you more explanation :)
Marriage takes three to be complete. (By: Beth Stuckwisch)It's not enough for two to meet, they must be united in love by love's Creator, God above.Then their love will be firm and strong; able to last when things go wrong.Because they've felt God's love and know He's always there, He'll never go.And they have both loved Him in kind, with all the heart and soul and mind.And in that love they've found the way, to love each other every day.A marriage that follows God's plan takes more than a woman and a man.It needs a oneness that can be only from Christ. Marriage takes three
7. Prayer
And the last thing, but it is really important is prayer. We often missed it but through someone, I really learn that praying together, started in the season of Courtship is really an important thing. There's a great power inside the unity in prayer, like Cherubim who unites their wings, prayer build a unity between two people.
I couldn't give the example through verses one by one but I can share to you about my own experience... :)
1. To keep each other in God's way
Even a Godly man and a Godly woman, we must admit it that we still human that sometimes could make a mistake. But through prayer and build our relationship under His protection, we will know when something went wrong. Sometimes He could speak through the man or sometimes through the woman, and they can remind each other.
2. To learn to be open to each other
When you learn to pray together, you also learn to pray for each other's problems, ministries, job, dreams, hopes, etc. It cannot be done without and opennes to each other.
3. To face all the problems together, even when you fight or arguing
It once happened to me, when I was really upset but I have to pray together with him. Hahaha.. :P We have committed to pray so we still pray together. And after that prayer, I feel the tension is decrease and I can calm myself down to talk with him again with gentleness.
It also happened when we face critical situation and we really don't know what to do. When we are about to start our discussion, we pray together first. And amazingly, God gave him all the wisdom and serenity to give an advice for our situation. (And I thank God for a man like him :) )
4. And a lot of other wonderful moments and experiences :)
Praying together can be done anytime and anywhere possible for both of you ;)
Conclusion
When you read those prayers for a partner for life at the end of this notes, you will find out that each prayer has different requirements that they asked to God-- Do you think that they ask it just for their own fun? No, I believe not. It is based on their understanding of their weaknesses, they know that at least they need those kind of man or woman.
I know the story of 2 people of these prayers (No-Name).. I know their processes, I know their fears, doubt and tears, and they also face problems during the process. But guess what... All of the tears, problems, lessons, and everything they faced during the process is the thing that made them sure that this person is the right one that really comes from GOD.God showed them that the man who are with them right now is the man who are in their prayer all these times.
It is not something that built and revealed within an hour, a day or even a month. It takes time to build and reveal everything and both are need to learn more and more with the basic foundations as I wrote in the beginning. :)
Someone that really comes from God, so that this person is someone who has all the qualities that are suitable for us and also we are suitable for him / her. And through all the processes, we will see that he / she is someone who willingly learn and committed to understand each other.
I can say that, Godly Man + Godly Woman is not enough to build the Godly Marriage. It is a very good start, but we need HIS grace, we need HIS approval, we need HIS perfect timing to walk through all thing with our partner.. :)
And at last.. :)
For you who are still praying for the right person to come, wait patiently upon the Lord and maximize yourself.. In His time, He will take you to meet him / her..
For you who are in the waiting season, when you met him / her but you still have to wait.. Believe Him that He knows the perfect timing much better that us..
For you who are in the Courtship Season, enjoy every process and SETTLE FOR NOTHING LESS.. Take this season as a season to learn and grow..
And for you who are married or will married soon.. Hehehe.. I don't know how it feels yet.. but let God be the center of it and He will lead both of you through all things... ;)
These are the prayers I've told you in this note.. :)
And I can tell that all of them has found the man and woman in their prayers, in such a unique way.. :)
I dedicate this notes to someone who has been my brother, bestfriend, adviser, supporter and praying partner all these times.. Your love, the way you care about me and how you taught me a lot of things is the precious gift from God.. :)
NO NAME 1
Written on January 2011
Lord, I pray for a man who will be the part of my life..
This man is a man
Who love God more than anything
Who dares to die to be what his nature is, to be YOUR Knight
A man who will always walk in ways YOU have chosen for him
A man who give his life to God and God alone...
He has a heart that as strong as a rock
But he also has a heart that as gentle as a feather
He's a brave man, but he submit and respect GOD
He can make me feel loved
But he also able to control, lead, guide me and even remind me when I'm wrong
He's a man of integrity, but he has a gentle heart
He's a man of wisdom, but he has a humble heart
He's a man of great talents, but he respect others
He's a well-organized man, but also an easy-going boy
He's a man that can be my leader
But he also needs my support and prayer in all of his ways
He's a man that can make me depend on him
But he also can trust me to do a lot of things to help him
He's a man that can make me trust in him..
He can make me show my woman and weak side
But he never think that I'm weaker than him
He knows me deeply and widely
But he never gives any excuses for bad things to stay in my life
With God's wisdom, he will always know how to help me grow...
to be a better woman...
He know with all his heart that I am his partner for life
But he also understand that I'm also a 'Bride' for my Heavenly Husband
He knows the way to make me feel comfortable
But he never let me be a chilidish woman
And Lord, here I am...
Teach me to be a good and suitable helper for him..
Teach me to be a woman..
Who can give my best and serve him in a right manner--
in every season of our lives
To be a strong and wise woman so I can be with him side by side--
and still respect and honor him
To be a courageous and positive thinking woman--
so when he feels desperate and lose hope, I can stay beside him
support him and pray for him
To be a woman of affirming words--
that can give him a courageous and affirming words
when he's in need
Who know how to act right in a right time...
We are to people who walk into the same direction
We know our calling and we walk in the same direction
We are cherubim-partners who can make a great unity
Collaborate for God's kingdom come on earth
and God's will fulfilled in this world
Lord, I pray...
That we are two people who know how to love and respect
both of our parents and our GOD
Above all, FATHER
Help us to understand when YOUR time come for us..
And I pray that whenever he's in need and wherever he go
May YOUR wisdom and power be with him
All the days of his life...
May YOU alone..
Who teach him to be a strong and wise yet gentle man
Who teach him how to dance in the rain
Who teach him to be YOUR man of God
A Godly man, the Army of God
And a King, who will reign with love and wisdom
Amen ^___^
_________________________________________________________________________
NO NAME 2
Written on (approximately) 2009
REQUIREMENT FOR MY LIFE PARTNER
1. Seorang Kristen yang dikendalikan oleh Roh Kudus
2. JESUS is No. 1 in his life-bukan sekedar kiasan
3. HANCUR : mengerti bagaimana bergantung secara penuh pada Yesus
4. Berpikiran pada PELAYANAN : dimanapun dan kapanpun ia bisa
5. MOTIVATOR : seorang pria yang memiliki VISI, peduli akan JIWA yang TERSESAT
6. Roh yang PEKA : SENSITIF pada kebutuhan-kebutuhan orang lain
7. Mengerti : tanggung jawab luar biasa seorang SUAMI pada ISTRI (dilihat dari sekarang)
8. Cukup RENDAH HATI untuk dimuridkan (DAPAT DIAJAR) dan mampu memuridkan orang lain
9. PRIA yang BERDOA : ia tahu kunci keberhasilan adalah waktu pribadinya dengan ALLAH
10. PRIA KELUARGA : ia rindu memiliki anak-anak dan membesarkan mereka dengan sepatutny bagi kemuliaan Allah
CIRI-CIRI SEORANG PRIA YANG MEMILIKI PROSPEK DALAM TUHAN
1. Menempatkan kebutuhan orang lain di atas kebutuhan diri sendiri
2. Bersukacita dalam hubungannya dengan KRISTUS
3. Menjaga HUBUNGAN dengan orang-orang sebagaimana sepatutnya
4. Tidak mau MELOMPAT mendahului WAKTU TUHAN
5. Berusaha untuk memenuhi kebutuhan praktis orang lain
6. Membela ALLAH dengan benar
7. Menyelesaikan tanggung jawab yang TUHAN berikan
8. Mengerti pentingnya PERASAAN dan EMOSI
9. LARI DARI PENCOBAAN UNTUK BERKOMPROMI
10. Mau DIAJAR
11. Selalu mengandalkan Tuhan dalam setiap aspek kehidupan
And also a prayer of waiting season :)
__________________________________________________________________________
KO STEPHEN (CI GRACE SURYANI'S HUSBAND)
Written on September 11th 2005
Few months ago, I thought that I will never need to pray like this again...
But God proved me wrong...
The situation now forced me to start from zero again...
And I start with this prayer...
Dear God in heaven...
Holy is Your name...
Thank You for raising me up until this day...
I have been very blessed to be able to know You, to be saved by You,
And I'm thankful for whatever I endure in this world so far...
Both the good and the bad...
Because I believe that whatever happened, it was Your plan...
(Submissiveness)
Dear God...
Today, let me utter this cry, this hope...
God, this is my prayer...
If this is Your will, let it be done in Your time...
But if it is not, please show me Your ways...
(My needs)
God, You know my need of a life partner, someone, just one woman, to be my wife...
I need someone with whom I will build a family that will serve You everyday... (Joshua 24:15)
I need someone that when we both together, we will be more effective to serve You... (Ecclesiastes 4:9)
Since the beginnings You've said that it is not good for man to be alone (Genesis 2:18)
And You know inside out the every reason why it is not good for me to be alone...
The passion to relate with the opposite gender that You have installed in me is so strong...
I don't want to burn in passion like what Your apostle Paul advised us... (1 Corinthians 7:9)
Because love is as strong as death... (Song of Songs 8:6)
(My requests)
Your servant is weak and tired Lord...
I'm tired of the searching process that I have endured since many years ago...
I don't want to divide this heart of mine to someone not of Your choice anymore...
Therefore, please Lord, if possible, that the next one will be the final one...
The one that You have provided for me...
The one who fears You and put You as number one and I'm number two... (Proverbs 31:30)
The one who can accept me as what I am...
The one whom I will love for the rest of my life as You have love the church... (Ephesians 5:25-31)
The one who will love me back in return... (Ephesians 5:22-24)
She may or may not known to me at the moment...
But when we meet...
Tell me Lord...
Let me know that she is Your choice for me...
Tell her Lord...
Let her know that I am Your choice for her...
Let the feelings towards each other grow...
(My worries, about myself)
But God...
I come with my own family background, my character, my vision, my self...
I want to be a university lecturer in the future... will she be able to accept that?
I have many very bad characters... will she be able to accept that?
Can she accept me as what I am...?
God, I still have many other reasons to worry...
And I'm really worried...
(My worries, about her)
God...
I hope that I can find a wife of noble character, but who can find her...? (Proverbs 31:10)
She will also carries her family background, her character, her vision, her self...
Will her vision be compatible with mine...?
I think I'm tolerable enough, but can I fully accept her character as she is...?
Am I strong enough to accept her as what she is...?
God, I still have many other reasons to worry...
And I'm really worried...
(Lessons learned...)
But God...
You have allowed me to learn the process of a relationship with all those that I've endured...
You have been with me always...
During all the happiness and all the bitterness...
I have learned that it takes more than just feelings towards each other...
It also takes more than just sacrifices...
And therefore I should not worry too much about all those things...
Because I know, You will always be with me...
And that without Your intervention, all relationship will not succeed...
This time, we will always keep you in our plan...
(The Hope...)
So please God...
When You finally let me meet her...
Let our future relationship ends up in a firm decision of marriage...
And our marriage receives Your favor... (Proverbs 18:22)
On that day, I will say to her:
"You are bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh" (Genesis 2:23)
"Now, let both of us do great things for Him in the future..."
(Closing statements...)
Finally, don't worry God...
You will still be number one and she will be number two...
And I believe that she will be fine with that =)
In Jesus name I've prayed...
Please answer this prayer in Your time...
And give Your servant a heart patient enough to wait...
And let her know of this prayer too...
Thank You...
Amen...
____________________________________________________________________
CI GRACE SURYANI (THE WRITER OF "TUHAN MASIH MENULIS CERITA CINTA")
Written on 2001
Lord,
I pray for a man, that will be a part of my life
A man that really loves You more than everything
A man that will take me in the second place of his heart
A man that lives not for himself but for U
Face and phsysical attraction isn't important
The most important is
I want a heart that really loves and thristy of U
and have a desire to be like Jesus
And he must know for whom and for what he lives
So his life isnt useless
Someone that have a wise heart
Not only a smart brain
A man that not only loves me but also respect me
A man that not only can adore me
But can warning me when I'm wrong
A man that loves me not from my beauty but from my heart
A man that can be my best friend in every time and situation
A man that make me feel like a woman when I beside him
I'm not ask a perfect man
But I ask for imperfect man
So I can make him perfect in Your eyes.
A man that need my support for his strength
A man that need my prayer for his life
A man that need my smile to cover his sadness
A man that need my love so he could feel beloved
A man that need me to make his life perfect
And I also ask
Make me to be a woman that can made him proud
Give me a heart that really love You
So I could love him with Your love
Not love him with my love
Give me Your gentle spirit
So my beauty not come from my outside but come from You
Give me Your Hands
That I always able to pray for him
Give me Your eyes
So I could see many good things in him and not the bad one
Give me Your mouth
That fullfil with Your words of wisdom and encourange
So I could support him every day
Give me Your lips
And I will smile at him every morning
And I want that when finally we meet
Both of us can say
How great Thou Art
that You give me someone that can make my life perfect
I know that You want we meet at the right time
And You will make everything beautiful in Your time
Amen.
______________________________________________________________________
GBU all!! ;)
