The Five Love Languages
There are 5 kinds of love languages according to the book written by Gary Chapman, these are :
* Words of Affirmation
* Gifts
* Quality Time
* Acts of Service
* Physical Touch
Basically, we have all of those languages in our love-tank, but there are some major languages that are affected us much. All of those languages are affected by personality, background, character, education, family, etc. We all have the need to fill the love-tank. Though we have God who could fulfilled our true satisfaction, we are longeth for our loved ones to speak our love languages. I think it's not a selfish desire as long as we didn't trapped in a wrong motivation and still put God as the Only One in our hearts.
Last night, as I pray and took time to discuss with God, He taught me this wonderful lesson about The Five Love Languages in His points of view. :)
As two hearts feel the romantic feelings, they grows their loves and always learn to grow it even more. In conscious or unconcious they're using these 5 love languages.
They show it through saying, "I love you", "I miss you", "I thanks God for someone like you", "You are the most loving person I've ever met", "I like the way you...", "I like your hair", "I like the way you dress", etc. It's the example of the "Words of affirmation" language.
They show it through giving meaningful stuffs, such as flower, chocolate, teddy-bear, book, scrap-photo, hand-made stuffs, simple gifts, useful things, thoughtful stuffs, etc. It's the example of the "Gifts" language.
They show it through giving the undivided attention and time when they spending time together. It's the example of the "Quality time" language.
They show it through doing simple yet meaningful things to help their loved ones, such as acompanying them, help them doing their tasks, help them to prepare something, etc. It's the example of the "Acts of service" language.
Or some people show it through touching, either implicit or explicit, such as holding hand, playing with hair, touching face, etc. It's the example of the "Physical touch" language.
I cannot say one language is better than other language if you are in the courtship season, nor one language is not good compared to the other language. Everyone has their own love language, one language could means a lot for them while the other is not much.
For example is, There are some godly couples who are actually speaking the language of "Physical touch", but they do that in some rules and border, they do that in an appropriate limit. They do that because they knew, how far is too far with a pure heart and motives.
But I didn't say that to give a permission for any compromise. Because for me, I don't think Physical touch is appropriate in a courtship season, unless in a certain situation, with a very strict limitation. If you know that you are a kind of person who are likely to be 'turned-on' easily, it would be wiser to put a strict rules in this area.
The bible says, "All things are legitimate [permissible-and we are free to do anything we please], but not all things are helpful (expedient, profitable, and wholesome). All things are legitimate, but not all things are constructive [to character] and edifying [to spiritual life]." -1 Corinthians 10:23 AMPLIFIED BIBLE
This verse clearly stated, "All things are permissible and we are free to do anything we please"and "All things are legitimate". What does it means in a relationship?
As romantic feeling grows, we felt the feeling of sweetness and sometimes the good sensation of it. Especially when our loved one do things that made us feel loved by him or her.
I believe, the romantic feeling that given by God (and only by God) is a beautiful thing. It is priceless and wonderful. When we love someone, we want to give him or her the best that we could do for them. And as time goes by, we learn more about that person, we learn things that they like and dislike, we learn things that make them feel loved and unloved, we learn things that brings them happiness and sadness, we learn how to serve them and love them.
I want you to know, it's not wrong to feel that kind of things. God created love because He's the love itself. He's even the author of God-written love story. He's the most romantic author in the world! Romantic feeling is God's initiative when He created Eve to complete Adam. Feeling the romantic feeling will not make you impure, because like the title of Joshua Harris' book, "Love is not the problem, but lust is". It's a gift and grace when God bring someone into your life and bring you into someone's life, to love and to be loved by someone. And surely, God doesn't want us to mistreat our loved one or to be mistreated by anyone, because He loves us and that person.
So to understand and make someone know that we love him or her through our words and acts is a simple way to serve him or her.
But it also stated, "But not all things are helpful (expedient, profitable, and wholesome)" and"Not all things are constructive (to character) and edifying (to spiritual life)". Nah, this is the problem also.
To be too cold is a problem but to be too much, is also a problem. :)
Courtship season is not like you already have that person completely, you haven't marrying him or her, yet. A simple definition for it is you're "more than friends, but not yet a lovers"*. It means you are with someone right now, you are comitted to him or her and not trying to find someone else, you learn about him or her and looking for the possibility to continue the relationship into marriage. It is serious and purposeful. But he or she are not belong to you, yet.
It's important for us to remember this thing in our courtship season. Until the Pastor says, "You are now husband and wife", that man or woman who are with us now is not our husband and wife, yet. We walk with that person into that direction with a full understanding that he's the one that really comes from God (or we might not sure yet, for now), but it haven't happen, yet.
What does it means? He or she might be the real gifts that has been prepared by God for us to be our partner for lives... But, his or her HEART, SOUL and BODY are not belong to us yet, until the marriage, when God united you and he or she to be one flesh (Gen 2:24, Eph 5:31).
If you want to learn more about this, I suggest you to read the book by Joshua Harris, "Boy Meets Girl". There's a lot of simple lesson and principle there to help you understand. ;)
It is good if you want to show someone that you really love him or her, it might satisfy and make them feel happy. It is good as long as both of you agree to speak that language. It is good to grow the romantic feeling that God has given to you both. It is good to show the world the example of love. It's very good indeed.
But, not all things are helpful, constructive and edifying.
Not all things help him or her to keep focus on God...
Not all things help him or her to place God as the center of his or her life...
Not all things help him or her to grow in their love to God...
Not everything is expedient (or wise)
If it only distract his or her focus on God..
If it only replace God's place in his or her heart..
If God is no longer be his or her Only One, but YOU are his or her only one..
Is it wise to love like this? :)
Not everything is profitable (bring advantage)
If it couldn't make him maximize his or her talent and strength..
If it couldn't bring God's glory in your relationship..
If it couldn't show the difference between godly relationship and worldly relationship..
Then what's the point of saying, this relationship is from God and for God? :)
Not everything is wholesome (healthy)
Romance and wisdom is like a kite and its string*
The tension is real but it's healthy
Not everything brings a good tension for the relationship :)
Not all things are constructive for his or her character..
Not everything can help him or her grow to be more mature and wise..
Not everything can help him or her grow to be a better person..
Not everything brings goodness for his or her character..
Not all things are edifying for his or her spiritual life
Not all the comfortness make him or her trust God more
Not all the sweetness make him or her love God more than he or she love you
Not all the quality time make him or her have undivided time for God
Not all the acts help him or her to be pure physically and emotionally
Not all things bring goodness for the one you love, though there are no book of "Yes" or "No" :)
So what's the point?
The conclusion is, learning the five love languages is a real good lesson to serve your loved one so that he or she feel loved by you. But not every act is appropriate for his or her goodness. And you need God, to teach you, to guide you, to challenge you and lead you so that every little thing will bring glory to His name.
God bless you ;)
Notes :
*From the Book : Boy Meets Girl-Joshua Harris
